year one.

“It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop.”

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I remember the day my life changed just like it was yesterday I remember the phone call where the lady on the other end said if you can get packed and to Portland, Maine in the next three hours we can have you on a plane to treatment at 5:28PM… they didn’t tell me where I was going or where I was going to end up but they did tell me it was going to get better and at day 36 of a serious bender of cocaine, heroin, and alcohol I was ready…. I had hit my rock bottom finally… I had finally decided I didn’t want to live the way I was living anymore. I had finally decided I was more important than the drugs, alcohol and so called friends who had become my life.

Have you ever had that feeling like you’re absolutely terrified, but you know it’s a good kind of terrified. I don’t think I had cried ever as much as I did in the 7 hours it took me to get to Tampa, Florida in my whole 25 (at the time) years of life. I reached Tampa, Florida just shy of midnight, was greeted by a guy with an iPad that read my name on it. We made the 30 minute drive to River Oaks Treatment Facility, drove up the long driveway to where I was greeted by three nurses to get checked in for my 30 day stay.

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I spent the next 30 days learning about myself, changing for the better, learning how to cope without a substance but most importantly I learned how to love myself. I made forever friends, the kind of friends you meet and just know are going to completely change your life for the better, I met staff who still check in on me still to this day to make sure I am okay and still holding on strong. I am thankful everyday for the things that River Oaks taught me, even if we had to have class everyday from 8-4:30 yes you read that right I was up everyday by 8am ready for group and was in group everyday until 4:30pm learning about myself, my addiction and how to cope with life on lifes terms. I had to talk to people, counselors, people in meetings, sponsors, and other people also in the same program as me. Soon my 45 days was up, but I realized quickly that I was by no means ready to go home to Maine, to the people, places and things that helped alter my life to the chaos it had begun before those 45 days…. so I found a sober living, next destination Houston, Texas… Taylor Recovery Center & Sober Living….

oh Taylor Recovery,  from May-January I spent every waking moment at Taylor Recovery Center attending groups, meetings, and just living every single day the best I can learning more about myself, loving myself more every single day, and meeting more life changing people, falling into love and then out of it again. My journey at taylor had some serious bumps in the road and taught me more about myself than I ever thought possible but there isn’t a place on this world that I could possibly be more thankful for, it taught me so much about myself, it taught me patience, it taught me that not everyone’s journey is meant to be easy, not everyone gets it the first time, I have lost so many friends I met at both River Oaks and Taylor Recovery, I even lost friends from home that couldn’t escape their demons but one thing loss has taught me over this past year is to keep pushing keep fighting, it doesn’t matter how fast your recovery is, or how slow it doesn’t matter if there are bumps in the road or not, it just matters that you wake up every single day and continue to fight, and fight hard.

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On January 22, 2019… I hopped on my last plane… destination Bangor, Maine… HOME. I had spent 10 months fighting the demons of addiction, and now was finally ready to go home to my family, the places, the people… it surely hasn’t been easy being home there are days where I feel so defeated but I just remind myself “one day at a time,” and if I still want it I can always do it tomorrow, but tomorrow comes and the obsession has passed and my worlds okay again, life has surely happened on lifes terms, and that’s okay I am still sober, still in recovery and still fighting every single day.

on April 2, 2018 I changed my life for the better.. April 2, 2018 my world became a better place… April 2, 2018 I learned how to love myself a lot more… April 2, 2018 I kicked the substance…

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Now it’s time to celebrate year one with the people who stuck by my side through it all.

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