he’s all yours;

“If another woman steals your man there is no better revenge than letting her keep him, Real Men can’t be stolen.”

I always swore watching friend after friend get cheated on that if I was ever cheated on I’d run my significant other over and his mistress too, but ultimately I never thought that I would have to make a decision between taking the high road or enjoying some serious prison time, but that is the exact position I found myself in less than three months ago.

img_0229I have had enough time to think, over-analyze and grieve the entire situation. I still don’t have the answers and I fully accept that I probably never will. I have accepted the fact that a relationship I committed my time, effort, money and self to had ultimately fallen and apart, and everyone thinks I should be mad, I have every right to be mad. All my friends tell me I should out the girl who ultimately invited herself into my relationship, maybe if I yell “homewrecker,” a couple times at her and tell the world how she invited herself into my happy home built for two it’ll make me feel better. Maybe if I called her every single name I could think of it would change the circumstances, and make her a better person.  Maybe if she knew what I had gone through and how bad what she did hurt me she’d feel bad or sorry for me and decide to change her ways…  but the truth is I am not even mad, I cried about it, I cried about it a lot but then I realized she did me a favor, I didn’t see how incredibly toxic my ex really was for me and now I am glad I finally have.

Believe me, I find myself in moments were I want to lash out, I want to yell what you did from the rooftops of every building I come in contact with but that comes from a place of pain and deep insecurity, and I am done being that person. I am a strong woman and I truly know my worth, whether he did or not. I know that my ex didn’t cheat because of any qualities or characteristics I lacked because if you ask him I was nothing short of the perfect girlfriend to him, I did absolutely everything for him….  it was truthfully about my ex and the qualities he lacked and a girl who was so insecure she went for a taken man. “Whore,”  is the word I used for months but now looking at the whole picture they truly deserve each other.  The insecurity she felt was caused by some pain she experienced in life and running her over in my car would be exactly what a crazy ex-girlfriend would do and it would validate absolutely every lie he chose to tell her to make her feel better about being the other woman. DISGUSTING, if you ask me.

My ex made his choice and although he still claims he chose me just like the Taylor Swift song says “should’ve said no, and baby you might still have me,” but he never said no so here we are. I can remember the day I found out about the other woman it was one single message “just saw your man out with some girl who’s not you,” so I quickly picked up my phone and called you praying you’d answer but you didn’t so I did what every girl who suspects she’s been cheated on does…

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You came home crawled into my bed and I casually grabbed your phone when you fell asleep and entered in your passcode and read every message between you and the other woman. Instead of waking you up and strangling you I took her number down and decided I was going to figure this out on my own…. I added her on facebook  a small message was sent “do i know you?” After I read the message and was sure she’d seen that I read it, I waited and listened for your phone to ring and just like clock work it did, there it was all the proof I needed.

So the night my relationship ended, the very hour before I decided to tell you I knew everything, before reality actually set in, and my adrenaline wore off, I shelved my boxing gloves and reached out to the other women – for my relationship, for any other woman in the same position, for any girl sitting at the bar drooling over a taken man wondering if she should walk away (yes yes you should) and most importantly for ME , because nobody wants to carry anger and resentment around with them for the rest of their lives.

when-the-nigga-you-let-go-is-ruining-someone-elses-14457670I re-typed the message ten times,  but the final product came out just like this….

To the girl who’s been stealing my boyfriends time;

I bet I am the last person you expected to ever hear from, you casually asked if I knew you, I don’t know you at all but you know me, but most importantly you know my boyfriend, the love of my life, the man I expected to grow old with and start a family with. I’m sure you’re wondering how I found out about you because you both were so sneaky and constantly going places you didn’t think you’d be seen but the hotel you checked into yesterday is managed by one of my best friends, and the man you’ve been sleeping with has been apart of my life for three long tediously boring years, so I know everything about him including the fact that his pass code is my birthday “6292” bet you wondered why his code was that. But before you get all worked up, I wish you no harm, I actually should be thanking you, but right now I just want you to hear me out I think at the very least you owe me that…

As you begin to think you won, you actually truly lost… the way you got my boyfriend is the same way you’ll lose him. As you go home to your best friend, just remember he use to come home every night to his before you came along, and I waited for mine to come home. As you walk in the door and hope to come home to a clean house, just know he’s messy, his mom never taught him to do laundry, dishes or cook… so basically he’ll be sitting on the couch drinking Raspberry Twisted Tea it’s his ultimate favorite and about the only thing he’s actually good at, is drinking it. As you plan your future with this man just know you’re putting a huge dent in mine because I’d completely planned my life out with him. But luckily for me, and not so luckily for you… my life will end up better than I planned.

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I loved my boyfriend since the day I met him, that long hair and those beautiful green eyes, the way he smirks and laughs at everything, and although I swore I’d never let someone in ever the way I let him in he convinced me just like I’m sure he’s trying to convince you. He’ll tell you you’re the only for him and that he can’t wait to spend forever with you, it’s not all lies but he is a master manipulator that comes side by side with his serious drug addiction, and the fact that I am the only girl who would’ve wasted this much time with someone like him, not because I deserved it but because I loved him with everything in me.

I sacrificed a lot of myself to make sure my boyfriend was always happy, including friends, money, time with family, trips I normally took, things I normally did… just to make sure he could do everything and anything he ever wanted and never had to stress. I was not always perfect but I was loyal, loving and FAITHFUL — I was the person who was his personal cheerleader through every single one of life’s decisions, goals or hardships. I would have stepped in front of a bullet for that man, now I’m wishing he’d just step in front of my car because now I know he wouldn’t have done the same for me.

And then you came, you stepped into his vision and I never saw it coming. There weren’t arguments, conversations that may have made me wonder, he didn’t come home late from work, he barely ever went out with the boys and when he did it usually included me, so where you came into the mix I will never know and I probably never will want to know. When I found out he was with you, after that phone call from my friend I knew in my gut something was wrong, I called his phone repeatedly praying he’d answer but he never did and then he casually came home, ate dinner, watched tv and crawled into bed but not before kissing me good night, that kiss made me feel dirty and lonelier than I had ever felt in my entire life, that’s when I reached for his phone and suddenly my whole entire world came crashing down. He suddenly became repulsive to me, because even though he’d stepped out of our relationship and into bed with you I was still in our relationship.

I always said if anyone had ever cheated on me I would run them over with my car, and for the first time in my life I’ve been put to the test. I am in far too much pain to cause pain though. What you did that night, changed him, changed everything, changed my whole life…

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Despite all the pain I am now experiencing, and every thought that’s going on in my head… I want to tell you that I forgive you. I fought hard for my relationship, and I lost. I will pray for you though, I hope you are never fighting for your relationship like I had to mine and I hope you never feel the way I do. So as I press send just know he’s probably going to call you shortly and he’s probably going to let you know that I found out and I didn’t cry or scream or even get mad, I just kindly asked him to leave because guess what I am thanking you, you took one for the team and allowed me to dodge a bullet I wouldn’t have dodged on my own..

But don’t be upset when he calls me every single time something good or bad happens in his life thats what he’s use to and what he’s always done, and if you catch him looking through my facebook pictures or checking my twitter it is okay, he’s going to miss me, hell he’s hurt me and there’s still going to be times where I miss even through his crazy life and addictions… I was his security, and the only thing he enjoyed about you was the fantasy, he didn’t think I’d ever find out, he still thinks there might be a chance we could fix this and make this all go away, but we can’t, he made a choice and although it would not have been mine, I also have to live with it.

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So before I end this let me leave you with this….   always check on him when he’s messed up because he has a tendency to fall asleep in his own lap and for a long period of time, just know when he’s hungover, sick or withdrawing he’s the worlds biggest baby and just let him be, and lastly just remember this he’s hard headed and hard hearted someone before us hurt him so very badly that he’s scared to get close to anyone anymore so when he pushes you away let him don’t hold on, he’ll realize what he’s done and call you drunk at 2am to apologize, don’t take his hurtful words in an argument to heart it’s a defense mechanism, he doesn’t mean it but just love him and watch out for him, he’s stupid, he’s the stupidest guy in the world sometimes but most of the time he’s not, he just needs a babysitter every once in awhile. I’ll miss Seth but the grass is greener on this side and the skies in my life are blue where I was seeing dark. I truly want him to be happy and to find happiness, he does deserve it. I hope he treats you like a queen because honestly you deserve the trophy, you took one for the team.

I have to go now, and let him know I know and it’s over. He’ll be calling you soon. Thank you again.

Sincerely the girl who’s gonna start living her life for her and only her again, enjoy him. 

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