Chess & Checkers;

“Brit, take a picture of me right now, so I can post it all over social media, so he can see it, know I am out and get jealous.”

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We all do it, and my friends and I are far from innocent, I’d truthfully be lying if I hadn’t accidentally on purpose sent a picture of me with some really cute guy to my ex just to get a reaction, or accidentally on purpose sent a text message to him that was for someone else allegedly, to him. I would be lying if I said I haven’t jumped in and played the game myself hoping I’d come out as the MVP. Love has gone from butterflies and happily ever after to a game we play and unlike when we were younger, it always ends in brokenness, confusion and lacking closure…

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The rules to this game we call love are fairly easy; You don’t text back immediately because you don’t want him to think you’d been waiting by your phone for his text but you have. You pretend to not care if you see them talking to someone else at a bar, but you do… so you try to out do him by talking to someone else too.  You don’t put a label on it because you don’t want to have to delete tinder or bumble, just in case you match with your actual tall, dark and handsome…  You won’t text them at 1 P.M to see how their day is going but you’ll definitely booty call them at 1 A.M and get mad when they don’t answer or are busy.  So if the rules to this game we call love are so easy then why does someone always end up getting hurt. I had a guy tell me one time that he was dating this girl who was playing checkers and he was playing chess similar games but different outcomes always. I took this to heart and realized, I was over the games I want to meet someone who is undeniably my soul mate, and makes me want to think about forever.

Love is at our finger tips in this day and age with tinder, facebook, bumble, instagram, and a bar full of single people our age… tends to make it pretty easy to know if you don’t feel like going home alone, you won’t have to.

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So why in a world where we literally have love at our very finger tips is it so easy to find someone to love and be loved in return?

We treat love like it’s a race, and we want to be the one first to the finish line with a smile on our face doing burnouts on the heart of the person we beat, forgetting about the person we decided to push out of the way to get the big win…. It’s not a win…. destroying someone, breaking their heart and making them question their self worth, that truly makes you the loser in my eyes no matter how you look at it, it isn’t until the “ugly” bar lights come on and the high fives stop, and you look across the room to the guy who you just beat and you suddenly feel lonelier than you were before. We flash back to our first love the person who turned us into this game playing monster, the guy who broke our heart so badly we thought we’d never be able to love again and made us feel worthless, and we so badly just want to fix the mess we made of our relationship, we realize the game isn’t so fun anymore.

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Dating at our age is already complicated but we feel the need to make it so much more complicated than it needs to be. We play these games to hide that we might actually have feelings for someone, and if things end up going badly were able to take a step and deny it, by using the term “we were just friends,” I call bull shit, you spend everyday in a month or a year with someone and you catch feelings, sure you don’t have to admit it because you don’t want to feel vulnerable but when they don’t text you back it makes you sad until they finally do, you jump to conclusions and overthink things.  We need to start being vulnerable, show our emotions and not be so afraid of how it’s going to end… because who knows it may not.

The games make me sick, I dated the king of games for years, and honestly I am ready to throw in the towel on this “love game,” People have a hard time being upfront and honest with their feelings because getting hurt is so scary. You don’t want to be the one who wants the relationship more than the other person because you don’t want to seem lonely or needy, you should obviously just chill and let this guy play games with your head because it’s worked out so many times before, NOT!

Everyone craves love, and it’s sad that today’s dating world has turned into a game where we’re afraid to double text or pick up the phone and call our significant other because we don’t want to seem too clingy, or needy.  Can you imagine one day telling your child all about how you met their father, and saying well I met him on this dating app called tinder and I spent a majority of the time waiting around my phone for him to finally text me back, I just knew he loved me and it was serious when he sent me the heart shaped emoji… NO! That’s not a love story, it’s a joke really.

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Find the guy who’s mature, honest and sensitive. Someone who isn’t going to stop communicating with you just to see how long it will take for you to communicate with them again. The guy who’s not afraid to tell you how they feel about you, scream it from the rooftops so to speak… even if they’re afraid they might get hurt. Aren’t we all? The guy who won’t play mind games, but will directly ask you to hang out, ask you questions without beating around the bush and is upfront about everything. Find the guy who won’t try to hide their feelings from you and won’t make you feel bad about yours and lastly find the guy who puts in just as much effort as you into the relationship.

So this is my final bow to the dating game, and anyone else who wants to “play games,” JUST STOP! You’re not making yourself look cool and you’re surely not winning by messing with someones head. You’re not making sure you don’t get hurt, and certainly not making sure they don’t either. You’re certainly not doing a good job at hiding your feelings, but you are frustrating and confusing the hell out of someone who could undeniably be your soul mate just like you really want. Wouldn’t it be nice if we all stopped playing games and were just honest with one each other? What an amazing thing that would be being in a honest relationship with someone you know you can trust with your whole heart.

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Love is suppose to fill us up not empty us out. 

Let’s do ourselves a favor… tell that guy how you feel about him, Text him at 1 pm just to say “hi,” because you were thinking about him, delete our dating apps and focus on that one person, don’t continue to look for the next best thing. Go on dates, lots of dates, send him cute messages, and text him back immediately. Be vulnerable, let people in and don’t be afraid. Stop turning love into a game and make it into something meaningful again. Rejection happens, getting embarrassed happens, and things get uncomfortable… but that’s what happens when you allow yourself to be vulnerable and stop playing games, and it’s okay, because that’s what makes love a raw and beautiful thing…

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“find someone who makes you feel drunk when you’re completely sober.”

 

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